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Getting Family to Assist with Aging Parents

It can be difficult to ask for help with aging parents. Caregivers are often overwhelmed by the amount of work required of them and are not specific when asking for help. Others are seen as the “right” sibling for the job. (i.e. Mother needs help. Therefore, her daughter, rather than her son, is seen as the “right” sibling for the job.)

It’s unrealistic to think you can handle everything by yourself, especially if you are raising a family of your own. That plan for caregiving leads to burnout. It will take some doing on your part to get the help you need, but getting even one other helper is well worth the effort. Here are tips you can use to get family to help with aging parents, or an ill or injured spouse.

Is there anybody out there?
People have lots of reasons for not helping out. True, some may be uncaring or lazy. More often, people want to help but may have little or no experience in caring for an elder, and so have no clue how much sacrifice it can take to be a caregiver.

So if you whimper, “Help,” and all you hear are crickets, then you need a plan. Read on for four clear cut tips on whimper-free rallying of your family members and what to do with whatever troops you can muster.

1. Execute one-­on-­one conversations
Choose one family member and begin a conversation with that relative. This will lessen the chances of your relative feeling ganged up on and, thereby, preclude any defensive or argumentative response to your conversation.

Explain that you need help. Show a list of tasks with which you need help. Ask if they want to cover any of the tasks listed. Maybe suggest things you think your relative good at or interested in. Explain what would be the most help both for you and for your parents.

2. Be specific
Arrange a meeting time, or schedule a phone conversation, when neither of you are likely to be interrupted. If you want help with a specific task, then ask for it specifically. Don’t assume that anyone can read your mind or can decipher your hints or clues.

For example, if you need someone to shop around for the best supplemental health insurance that your parents need, then say so clearly. If you need help covering specific days, then arrange for a family member to handle those days.

3. Keep a chart for each parent
It’s hard for helpers to step in for a caregiver if they don’t really understand what is needed from them. Some may feel set up to fail, and be less likely to assist further. Others may just feel left out of the loop. This feeling of exclusion may also make them less likely to help. The solution to this problem is to write down important things and to keep that information available to your helpers.

Keep a three-ring notebook or simple journal for each loved one. Having one Go-To source for information will not only help you, the caregiver, stay more organized, but will also create a less stressful experience for those helping out. Include sections in each chart such as the daily routine, lists of meds and dosing instructions, upcoming outings, etc.

4. Post an up-to-date chore board
Caregivers often burn out because there an endless supply of errands and household tasks that need doing, aside from the companionship and care they already supply. Keep an updated list of all these must-do tasks and post it where you and helpers can easily check it. Having the list close by will make it easy to check or update. For instance, a family member might call and say they have a free block of time and is there anything they can do to help out. You quickly glance at the list and assign a task or two that they can complete.

Your “Need Help With” list can save you and your team time and stress. It might include:

  • Fetch prescription refills
  • Pay bills / balance checkbook
  • Grocery Shop
  • Cooking
  • Laundry

The squeaky wheel
That the squeaky wheel is the one getting grease might seem unfair to the other three wheels, but it makes perfect sense. If you need help, you need to say so in order to get it. Don’t take anger or hard feelings about the lack of help you have received before from your family members into these conversations. Discuss your needs calmly and specifically to achieve more help from family. That way you can have some well­-deserved time to take care of yourself.

For more caregiver tips visit our blog. If you require professional assistance in caring for your loved one, call us today.

Home Helpers of Appleton and Southeast Wisconsin is a locally-owned, trusted home health care agency and offers quality, compassionate senior in-home care services including home care assistance, personal care, companion care, respite care, Alzheimer’s & dementia care as well as homemaker services in Appleton, Oshkosh, Neenah, Grand Chute, Menasha, Little Chute, Greenville, and Kaukauna.

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Dementia and Alzheimer’s Myths and Facts

To be a good caregiver, knowing the difference between dementia and Alzheimer’s myths and facts is necessary. Because there is still a lot we don’t understand about them, it is not surprising that myths and misinformation have spread, and you need to be aware of them.

Myth: Herbal Supplements Can Cure Alzheimer’s
Fact: There are a lot of herbal products and supplements which claim to cure Alzheimer’s, but there is no scientific or medical evidence to support them. These herbal supplements have been the subject of a lot of studies but no definitive conclusion has been reached yet. It is unlikely these supplements will cause side effects that affect their behavior, but there is no evidence these herbs can help.

Myth: Dementia and Alzheimer are One and the Same
Fact: The two are not the same.

Dementia is not classified as a specific disease, but a collection of indicators that are linked to a decline or loss of reasoning, thinking and memory. Those with dementia encounter problems performing daily routines that they have been doing all their lives.

Alzheimer’s disease is one of the most common types of dementia. It is progressive, irreversible and progressive. The exact cause is unknown and there is no cure. The need for home care for Alzheimer’s is it robs the person of their memory, leading to disorientation, confusion, memory loss and personality changes. These symptoms usually manifest during the middle and late stages of the disease.

Myth: If a Family Member Has Alzheimer’s, You Will Get it Too
Fact: This is not true. Yes, some types of dementia have a genetic element, but this does not mean you’re going to have one as well. Even if your parent or sibling has developed this condition, you can take steps to prevent it from happening to you. You can reduce your risk for instance, by living a healthy lifestyle, exercising and sticking to a healthy diet.

This doesn’t guarantee you won’t end up with dementia, but your risk goes down. By controlling your blood pressure and keeping your cholesterol at normal levels, you’ll be in better shape.

Myth: Red Wine is a Preventive Measure against Dementia
Fact: Home health aides are sometimes asked if red wine is good for people with Alzheimer’s, but it’s not. There are health benefits associated with red wine, but the amount consumed in typical social drinking is not enough to make a difference. Red wine contains a chemical known as resveratrol which offers some protective benefits. However, you need to drink about two dozen a night, which isn’t good for anyone whether they have dementia or not.

Myth: Head Injuries Cause Alzheimer’s
Fact: This myth is very persistent but again there is no conclusive proof yet. Certainly concussions among young and middle age people are a concern, but it is too early to link it linked to dementia. There are medical researchers who believe that concussions and other types of head injuries could lead to dementia, but until there is evidence to support this, it cannot be considered factual.

Myth: There is Nothing That Can be Done if a Person has Dementia
Fact: Dementia and Alzheimer’s are progressive and up to now there is no cure. However, it would be wrong to say that nothing can be done. With proper care and medication, it is possible to make up for the decline in a person’s cognitive functions. With the combination of medicine and personal care, it is possible to help a person deal with the symptoms. One of the keys is making sure the person is as physically and mentally active as possible.

Myth: Drug Use Leads to Alzheimer’s and Dementia
Fact: There is no evidence to support this claim. Drug abuse is unhealthy in many other ways, but there are not enough facts to support the view drug use in any way makes a person more vulnerable. More research is necessary.

As an in-home care expert, part of your responsibility is answering questions from family members concerning the disease. Doctors should have the final word of course, but knowing the facts and myths can go far in informing family members and putting their minds at ease.

For more tips on Alzheimer’s Disease or dementia or caregiving in general, visit our blog.

Home Helpers of Appleton and Southeast Wisconsin is a locally-owned, trusted home health care agency and offers quality, compassionate senior in-home care services including home care assistance, personal care, companion care, respite care, Alzheimer’s & dementia care as well as homemaker services in Appleton, Oshkosh, Neenah, Grand Chute, Menasha, Little Chute, Greenville, and Kaukauna.

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Caring for Someone with Alzheimer’s Disease

Alzheimer’s Disease is a condition that doesn’t just affect one individual but the entire family including those tasked with caregiving. Aside from the pain the individual is going through, his/her family has to deal with the grief and difficulty of watching someone they love suffer and decline. As a home care expert, your responsibility is to assist the patient and family any way you can. Here are some tips.

Take Care of Yourself
If you have ever talked to someone who cares for a patient with dementia, Alzheimer’s or other conditions, one of the first things they will tell you is to take care of yourself too. This is a stressful job and you won’t be of any use to the patient if you’re ill. Watch out for your health, get support and respite so you’ll be able to perform your duties. It isn’t just the patient or family that needs support, because you do.

You should not feel guilty about caring for yourself or taking some time off from your duties as home care specialist. One of the most difficult things for a home care specialist to do is admit they need to take care of themselves. If you find this difficult to do, remember that the care you give yourself is the care you’ll be giving to your patient.

Learn about Alzheimer’s
Elderly care will be less stressful if you’re knowledgeable about Alzheimer’s Disease. Learn as much about AD as you can and your role as a home care specialist will be more manageable. You should talk to the patient’s doctor and do research on your own. Most of the time you’ll be caring for someone with AD in the early or middle stages so don’t worry about the advanced stage now.

Talk to Other Professional Home Care Aides
One of the ways to handle this situation is to speak with other professionals who take care of patients with AD. You can get in touch with them on the Internet or your local community. One of the most challenging aspects of Alzheimer’s Disease is differentiating between Alzheimer’s and the patient, especially if he or she is a loved one or family member.

During the early stages of the disease it is easy to think that he or she is doing these things out of spite. This can lead to resentment and anger towards the patient, but you have to remember it isn’t them; it is the disease that causes them to behave that way.

Get Emotional Support
Families dealing with Alzheimer’s Disease often seek emotional support because it is a gut wrenching experience, both for them and the person that is afflicted with the condition. This should not be limited to family members as home health aides need it too. With proper support, you will be in a better position to deal with the situation and what to expect.

During the early stages of AD, the person diagnosed may refuse to accept their condition, and as a home care aide you mustn’t get frustrated with this. You can obtain emotional support from professional counseling or family members. Either you need to have a support system that grows and evolves with you.

Set Up a Daily Routine
Talk with the family about setting up a daily schedule. This will cut down on confusion and make the challenges less difficult to deal with. Those with Alzheimer’s can still follow schedules so take advantage of this. For important tasks like doctor’s appointments, bathing etc., schedule this when the person is most lucid.

Get the Individual Involved
You should also give the person with Alzheimer’s sufficient time to do what they want and don’t hurry them. If it’s still the early stages and they show signs of being capable, let the person do as many tasks as they can with as little assistance as possible. Whether it’s dressing without help, setting the table or so on, you might be surprised at how much they can still do.

Caregivers of people with Alzheimer’s Disease undergo a lot of stress and that is understandable, but you don’t have to give in. There are ways to deal with it and ease your tasks without shying away from your responsibilities.

Home Helpers of Appleton and Southeast Wisconsin is a locally-owned, trusted home health care agency and offers quality, compassionate senior in-home care services including home care assistance, personal care, companion care, respite care, Alzheimer’s & dementia care as well as homemaker services in Appleton, Oshkosh, Neenah, Grand Chute, Menasha, Little Chute, Greenville, and Kaukauna.

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