#1: Planning for the Retirement No One Talks About

THE COMPLETE GUIDE TO AGING IN PLACE IN ST. LOUIS

Helping St. Louis families plan with confidence, dignity, and peace of mind

By Lauren Teschendorf, Chief Growth Officer & CFO | Home Helpers Home Care of St. Louis

Planning for the Retirement No One Talks About

Growing older is inevitable. Growing older with intention is a choice.

If I asked someone in their forties or fifties whether they had a retirement plan, most would probably say yes. They’ve met with a financial advisor. They’re contributing to retirement accounts. They’ve estimated how much they’ll need. They’ve thought about travel, hobbies, volunteer work, and spending more time with grandchildren. Those are all wonderful things to plan for.

But there is another retirement plan that almost no one talks about. It’s the plan for what happens if life doesn’t unfold exactly as we imagined. What happens if arthritis makes climbing stairs difficult? What happens if driving no longer feels safe? What happens if your spouse develops memory loss? What happens if a hospitalization changes everything overnight? These aren’t pleasant questions. But they’re incredibly important ones. And planning for them isn’t pessimistic.

It’s one of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves—and the people we love. Retirement Isn’t One Chapter. It’s Three. One of the ways I help families think differently about aging is through a framework I call The Retirement Arc™. Most retirement conversations focus almost entirely on the first stage.

In reality, retirement is made up of three very different seasons. Understanding all three helps families prepare with confidence rather than react during a crisis.

Stage One

Active Retirement

This is the chapter we all dream about. Traveling. Golfing. Volunteering. Spoiling grandchildren. Learning to paint. Finally reading the books that have sat untouched on the shelf for years. It’s a season of freedom. It’s also the season that financial planning is almost entirely built around.

Most retirement calculators estimate how much money you’ll need. Very few ask how you hope to live if your health changes twenty years later. That’s not a criticism. It’s simply a gap.

LAUREN’S PERSPECTIVE
One of the greatest misconceptions about retirement is that it begins on the day you stop working. In reality, retirement is an evolving journey. Planning for each season—not just the first one—gives families far more flexibility and peace of mind later.

Stage Two

Adapting Retirement

This stage often arrives quietly. No one announces it. There isn’t a birthday that marks its beginning. Instead, small changes begin appearing. Perhaps carrying groceries feels heavier than it used to. Maybe driving at night becomes stressful. A favorite hiking trail feels just a little too steep. Maybe medications have multiplied over the years.

Or perhaps you’re beginning to help your spouse with tasks that used to come naturally. None of these changes mean someone has become “old.” They simply mean life is changing. Ironically, this is often the healthiest time a family will ever have to prepare. Decisions can still be made together. Preferences can still be discussed. Documents can still be organized. Options can still be explored without urgency. Unfortunately… This is also the season most families ignore. Not because they don’t care. Because everyone hopes tomorrow will look like today.

Sometimes it does. Sometimes it doesn’t.

PLANNING TIP
The best time to update your estate plan, healthcare directives, long-term care insurance information, and emergency contacts is before anyone needs them. Planning early rarely changes your options. Waiting often does.

Stage Three

Supported Retirement

Eventually, many of us will need help. Not because we’ve failed. Because we’ve lived long enough for our needs to change. Support looks different for every family. For one person, it might simply mean having someone mow the lawn. For another, it may mean transportation to doctor’s appointments.

Someone else may benefit from help preparing meals, organizing medications, or keeping the house safe. Others may eventually need assistance with bathing, dressing, mobility, or memory care. Support doesn’t mean independence has ended. In many cases… Support is exactly what allows independence to continue. What Does Aging in Place Really Mean?

The phrase “aging in place” has become increasingly popular over the last decade. Unfortunately, it’s also become one of the most misunderstood. Many people think aging in place simply means remaining in your own home. It’s much bigger than that. Aging in place means creating an environment where you can continue living safely, comfortably, and meaningfully, even as your needs evolve. It means preserving routines. Maintaining relationships.

Remaining connected to your church, your neighbors, your favorite grocery store, your physician, your garden, your community. It’s about preserving the life you’ve spent decades building. That doesn’t necessarily mean doing everything yourself. In fact… One of the greatest myths I encounter is that accepting help somehow means giving up independence. Nothing could be further from the truth.

The families I see preserve independence the longest are often the ones who ask for a little help before they desperately need it.

QUESTIONS TO ASK YOUR FAMILY
Take a few minutes to discuss these questions together: What does “aging well” mean to each of us? If staying at home became more difficult, what kinds of support would feel acceptable? What parts of daily life matter most to you? What are you most afraid of losing?

If additional help became necessary, who would you want involved in those decisions? There are no right or wrong answers. The goal isn’t to solve every future challenge today. The goal is simply to begin the conversation.

Independence Doesn’t Mean Doing Everything Alone

This is one of the most important lessons I’ve learned. Many people define independence as doing everything themselves. I define it differently. Independence is maintaining control over your life. Sometimes that means asking for help with the tasks that matter least so you can continue enjoying the things that matter most. Maybe that means someone else vacuums the house. Or drives to appointments. Or prepares meals a few days each week. Or helps after surgery. None of those things diminish independence. If anything, they protect it.

The goal of aging in place isn’t to prove that you never needed help. The goal is to continue living the life you love for as long as possible.

The families who wait until they absolutely need help often have the fewest choices. The families who plan early usually have the most.

COMING UP NEXT
In the next section, I’ll introduce one of the most valuable frameworks I’ve developed after working with hundreds of families throughout the St. Louis area. I call it The Three Families™. You’ll probably recognize your own family in one of them. More importantly, you’ll learn how to move from reacting to life’s challenges to planning for them with confidence.

YOUR ACTION STEP
Schedule a conversation with your parents about what aging well means to them.

Jump to a Section

• Planning for the Retirement No One Talks About
• The Three Families™
• The Small Changes That Matter Most
• Building Your Aging in Place Plan
• Understanding Your Care Options
• Creating a Home That Grows With You
• Paying for Care Without Losing Peace of Mind
• Having the Conversations That Matter Most
• Your Aging in Place Roadmap
• The Greatest Gift We Can Give the People We Love